How to move on

Is it our core insecurities that stop us from moving on? I am not just talking about moving on from bonds once formed, but moving on from anything that has done us undeserved injustice. Sri Devi's speech at the end of English Vinglish noted how if we are feeling like the weaker side in a supposedly equal bond, we need to re-evaluate our own self's identity and fight for our own self's love. Then only can we expect to receive equal treatment from others. This really struck a chord with me, as I think it is really a wonderful lesson for life, and not just for a married couple about to embark on a lifetime of feeling superior and inferior.

There have been many situations in my own life where I have felt like the weaker side, and I have noticed the one common thread in all these unrelated situations is my own questioning at the end of a tiring day - 'Who am I?' Are personalities to be formed or to be discovered? Being an egocentric introvert has its positives; I take comfort in solitude, and love putting myself first. And as I sit staring at my New York City poster and reflect on feeling like the weaker side and formulate a plan to bring magic back into my life, I begin to realise why it is Goddamned difficult for me to move on: I am not yet where I want to be. 

And therein lies the problem - without being where we exactly want to be at this very moment, how are we expected to be satisfied enough with ourselves to move on? Quoting Lennon and McCartney, there's "nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be", and I think this is a difficult concept for the majority of us to grasp. We are always seeking something - that dream job, that dream romance, that dream travel experience, that dream friendship, that dream Kuch-Kuch-Hota-Hai-resemblant Karan Johar movie - and while I believe goals and passions are extremely important not just for our betterment but for our sanity, sometimes I find myself getting so lost in chasing that darned thing that I don't learn to just sit down and accept that this is the place where I am right now and there is magic here, too. I don't need to be doing that dream job in that dream city with the dream family to feel it.

Is there a difference between happiness and contentment? I used to think there was, that is I was merely content, but not happy. But aren't you content when you are happy? Aren't you happy when you are content? Can these emotions be considered to be psychological phenomena which we have the right to mould to our own expectations? Happiness, as I once understood it, was the ultimate experience, the utopia of all the tick boxes finally being checked off with a permanent marker with a conclusive strike. Contentment, however, was a pencil's rather unsure, confused mark on the box. Now, I am questioning my own theories. Aren't we happy because we say so and are so?

And when you are happy in the knowledge that this is precisely where you're meant to be, moving on becomes as easy to do as it is to say. Because the place you came from isn't the place you are in right now, and this reality becomes that much easier to accept. There can never be another Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. But instead, we have English Vinglish now. Perhaps eventually, like Sri Devi's character, we will all learn to move on to a stronger self by seeking our own happiness first.