About Me

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I love the sunrise. I love staring out into the horizon in front of me, feeling the sun's glow, and losing myself in my own world of thoughts... I love being awake when the world around me is fast asleep, and staring into the distance at the tiny glimmering ball of fire as it shyly creeps into my world… Each sunrise brings to me a new day and with it a fresh start. An opportunity to do things differently, see things from a different point of view... but best of all, an opportunity to ponder over the day ahead, giving a new chance every day to live...

Friday, February 01, 2013

Livin' on a prayer...

Browsing through my archives, I found an old blog post of mine, which I have managed to retrieve at a very apt time in my life, particularly as I feel like I'm running around a lot and putting a lot of (unnecessary? necessary?) pressure on myself. 

It's amazing looking at the nineteen year old me... and realising I have not changed a single bit. Worrying, ain't it? Isn't it odd what you really need to hear... well... comes from within you? Quite literally?!

There comes a moment in your life when you just have to let yourself be. When you know you can learn learn learn explore explore explore keep on questioning, thinking, debating, discussing, testing yourself and pushing yourself to the limit... but sometimes just... being... existing is enough... 
Sometimes you have to just let that storm in that teacup be. I have a million and one thoughts and questions in my head right now, and I long to just sit with someone and talk the night away... but at the same time, I know that if that person was to be by my side right now, all I'd do is just sit there in silence.
There are so many things in this world to learn about, to experience, to talk about, to discuss and to constantly keep on stimulating yourself... but... I don't know how to explain it... it's like... the power of life itself is enough, because the presence of that body next to you is conversation enough in its own breathing silence, and you don't need any more answers. For that moment, at least. Maybe with a good drink (or three) in your hand. 
Just let yourself be.
And on that note, I go off to sleep....
And on that note, I go off to start my Friday morning. For anyone reading this, here's hoping the storm in your teacup is tempering itself down to a calmer rhythm, too!

(Fun fact: This photo was actually taken at sunrise, by Sunrise, around half an hour from my home town... wait, what, your mind isn't blown yet?! Sheesh. So much for trying to be poetic with the little boat and the rocks behind it that it's escaping the horizon in front of it that it is reaching out for, yadda yadda yadda...)

Friday, January 11, 2013


I've been lying awake (don't ask, my mind is still on North Carolina time... more about that trip, soon... maybe... uhh, one day?) for the past half an hour, contemplating this word. Single. It's a very huge and heavy word. Like I've mentioned previously on this blog before, I don't intend for this to become a girly, gossip-filled, he-said she-said advice column by writing this, but rather I hope to just pause and reflect for a while. Because, like, I've not done any pausing-and-reflecting on this blog before (see - well, uh - see a lot of my previous posts? I'm a fun person too, I swear!)... obviously.

(Can you tell I'm nervous writing this? Am I that transparent? Or did I just give myself away?)

For possibly the first time in a very long time, I have really started to embrace this word - single. I feel, though, that there are often different (no, not fifty...) shades of single. There is the single-but-still-emotionally-attached single, where you're single on paper (or, as is the social convenience nowadays, on Facebook) but you're not really over someone, you're still sitting and mulling over some things that were meant to be exorcised a long time ago, perhaps still wishing for a glimpse of those same rays of sunshine again. Then there is the single-but-you're-sleeping-with-someone single. This is surely a fun kind of single - no attachments, companionship (hell, maybe even the sacred F-word... friendship, you fools!), and a happy thought that there is still at least one person in the world left who thinks you are still attractive. Following on from this one is the single-but-interested-in-someone single - you're not bound to anyone, but there is a potential. He (or she) makes you grin, so you're going along with it. Testing waters but still free as a bird.

Finally, there is the very right-wing version of single. The shade that I have come to realise in the past couple of days, and especially the past half an hour, I have been wearing with me everywhere. The well-and-truly-single-in-the-most-dull-boring-and-true-sense-of-the-word single. The kind where you are single because there is no one you like, no one who likes you (in case you were looking for a bit of an ego-boost - well, 'hahahahahaha' is all that can be said...!), no one who is potentially going to make you grin (or even attempt a weak half-smile for), and there is literally not one spark of excitement in your life. This, folks, is the single single I am experiencing.

It feels... interesting. Solitary. 

I could spout y'all some bullshit about this new-found joy of being able to discover the real you and having time for yourself and finally being free to explore and clear out the cobwebs in your own mind... but, I am sorry, that is complete and utter bullshit. Whether in a relationship or not, I have always been the real me, even my fascinating door-stoppers of textbooks cannot stop me from making time for myself (and my sunrises) and there are just too many cobwebs in my mind for me to clear out anyway, single or otherwise. (So guys, if there's one semi-coherent thought you wish to take away from all this, it is this: never stop being the real you, whoever you are sharing your bed space with. Just sayin'.)

When I saw my cousin's family, and how they bloomed and blossomed from friendship to husband and wife to creating a family and a home and a life of their own, it makes me feel so incredibly happy for them. It also makes me realise what a blessing it must truly be, to live life in a world you have created for yourself, revolving around the people you really, I mean really, care for and love. It really reinforces how little, simple things can give you infinite joy and... meaning that no amount of travelling or zero-laden paychecks can hope to come close to.

But, like I said, this is neither a whinge nor a wish. It's just a reflection on how damn heavy it feels - single.