Notes on Anwar

NB: SPOILERS

When I read other reviews for this film, a fair number of people said the storyline kept wandering off and they got annoyed. I am curious to know what people found meandering... except for Rajpal Yadav's role, I couldn't see any diversions. And the movie only lasted 2.5 hours! I thought all the characters were there for a reason. I thought all the storylines (except Yadav's, it just got annoying hearing him whinge) were there for a reason.

I will probably end up buying its DVD, because the songs, Maula Mere and Tose Naina Lage are extremely special to me.

I loved the movie for what it was - a messy presentation of a messy life. I loved the way every message was laid out, yet subtle. I loved how the film was extremely neutral and normal. It wasn't trying to teach its audience a message about certain religions, and it wasn't out to make you think in any one way when you come out of the movie, which is what I think often happens when Bollywood does a serious/off-beat/social message type kinda movie. You had to pick it up to understand it - no voiceovers, no dramatic speeches, no subtle explanations thinly veiled in the garb of 'everyday dialogue' - it was like a CCTV camera decided to show the fates of all these lives, and you yourself had to teach yourself how people work, how life works, how crowds work, how politicians work, how different people treating different people in different ways works... even how love works.

In the sense of love, for me, it was highly reminiscent of Love Actually, in the way it showed how all the characters - at the core of all their problems and lifestyles, just yearned for love.

I loved how they made absolutely minimal use of music - especially the evident lack of dramatic music for the dramatic moments (so typical of cinema - be it Hollywood or Bollywood). There were so many scenes that had scope for dramatic music, and they were just shown so simply. The flutes at the beginning and the end are hauntingly beautiful. I have an absolute soft spot for the flute, it is one of my most favourite instruments to listen to, and the tune they played was just - wah. I think, of course, the real, most commercially apparent strong point of this movie is the songs. No words can describe Maula Mere and Javeda Zindagi. (As a side note: I always think it is so sad Maula Mere gets played on Bollywood channels as it has pretty visuals, but Javeda Zindagi - far superior to Maula Mere in its poetic beauty in every way - doesn't because it shows the last shots of a dead man with blood oozing out of him in the rain... and the end credits. I have pretty much never seen it being played. So sad. Although it's pretty good that a song from a practically un-noticed movie has made it to the Bollywood channels, I guess.) Dilbar Mera is a song that grows on you, too. I can't get over how natural this movie is. So natural it may go over the viewers' head as a movie worth watching.

I enjoyed the way the characters developed. Sure, the Hindu guy could have done with more presentation of his character, but he wasn't [i]as[/i] pivotal to the movie, so I guess it's OK. I appreciated the way it wasn't glaringly or blatantly obvious what kind of a guy Anwar was, but you could see it in his actions - the number of shots of him just lying on his bed, lost in thoughts, the sketches he spent hours drawing, the way he behaved towards Master Pasha... Anwar reminded me a little bit of me. I loved Master Pasha's role. I don't know if it's a believable or an unbelievable role, but I loved it all the same.

A huge mention has to go to the cinematography/settings/props/costumes people. Never before - no seriously - have I seen such realistic sets. Even the impressive sets of Lagaan and Dor, showing village life, seemed a tad too glamorous in comparison to this movie's sets/settings. This movie kind of came at the right time for me, as I have been missing India very much of late, and seeing all the minor things, the attention to minor detail, and the fact that everything was so realistic, made me feel "right at home". The settings are not made for obvious beauty that makes (at least I feel it does) the film more appealing to the Indian audience, instead they were messy lanes, peeling paint, cloth covering holes in the structures of buildings... they had a raw, natural beauty of their own. The sunrises and sunsets (well, I HAD to comment on this, and notice it, me being me...) were heavenly. Not fake or obvious special effects, but still sweet additions to the background of the movie.

The dialogues in this film were very interesting. Both interesting in the sense of how they can be analysed, and how they were just interesting. One thing I enjoyed was the way the Master Pasha spoke about love. It was not done in an over-the-top Shah-Rukh-Khan-proclaiming-his-love-to-the-fields way (and I LOVE that way, too). I would say it bordered on cheesy, but who isn't cheesy in their real lives every now and then? And in any case, he's an absolutely bonkers guy. I reckon only he could have gotten away with wittering on about love the way he did. And all of what he said made sense, which was what I also loved. It wasn't a flowers-blossom-and-red-feels-nice-and-rains-make-me-horny kind of dialogue, it was a straightforward, cheesy declaration of how love gives us life. And I loved it [i]for[/i] its naturalness and rawness, and the way I could relate to it. I cannot tell whether the other dialogues are realistic and accurate to the nature of how its real-life counterparts would speak, but I felt they sounded fairly realistic.

This movie is not straightforward. There isn't a voiceover or dramatic music to keep you going and making you watch it. The storyline will either be interpreted as a part of a life thing, or as no real substantial storyline that was poorly developed. It is not a fairytale Bollywood. Hell, it doesn't even match up to some of the more serious and intelligent films that Bollywood has done. It is what it is, and if you watch it, watch it with a willingness to let your mind wander and think about the issues and scenes they are presenting. I have no clue what the director wanted from this movie, or what he wanted us to feel, but I think as long as it leaves you thinking, about [i]some[/i] Godforsaken thing or the other, the movie has achieved its purpose. I'm pretty sure the director would have understood it wasn't going to be Bollywood blockbuster of the year, anyway.

Just enjoy the music and see where the story takes you. You may like it; you may not. I liked it.

Post Secret...

... y'all should check it out. www.postsecret.blogspot.com

Post Secret is one obsession that has stayed with me... oooh, for the past three years? Or so. (I've even asked my friend to buy one of the Post Secret books as a birthday present, to prove my obsession...) It's a blog mainted by a Frank Warren, that is updated every Sunday with secrets from people around the world, that are sent on the back of a post card. The more creative, the better. Such a simple idea, and such an addictive blog, too. Every Sunday it's my happy day because I get Post Secret and Desperate Housewives all in one go... ha ha ha. It's definitely worth checking out.

I am never entirely sure how many of these are real, and how many are made up, and whether they were even sent in or not. But I'm not sure it really matters. The complete range of secrets you read makes it so easy to be pulled into it. Even the simple black background of the web page makes it so easy to be pulled into it. And believe you me, there WILL be a secret or two that you can relate to. Some are funny, some are witty, some are full of pain and some are sheer confessions of the little bitch inside all of us... but they always make a good read. And the sort of dramatically artistic way in which they are presented makes each one stand out well, too.

I have always thought of sending a secret in. Whenever I actively think about it, I cannot think of anything other than something... boring. But that's kind of boring, isn't it? :D And I'm not sure it even deserves another thought in my mind, let alone me pouring it all out creatively into a postcard and sending it all the way to Post Secret! I lead such a boring life! However, when I don't think about it at all, a random, crazy, possibly unsuitable-for-kids thought crosses my mind and I think, "How cool would it be to send THAT in to Post Secret!" This kind of in-my-head monologue almost always ends in a caring-but-dismissive "one day, one day"... oh dear.

But, well, one day indeed (touchwood and all that jazz...)! Below is one of my favourite Post Secrets, it seems extra, extra apropos these days... hmm. However, on that note, I should probably bring this blog post to a close as I have nothing more to say than, "Oh my God please check Post Secret out it is so awesome and a must-read for everyone!" :-)

There are some things you have to learn for yourself...

... and learning how to be you is one of them. That good ole timeless song by the Beatles really does seem to capture it all, and this lyric is no less: "Nothing you can do, but you can learn how to be you in time."


No one will ever tell you that it's OK to be you. (Or even if they do, we never listen to them and think they don't even mean it anyway...) No one will tell you to let it be, it is what it is. And it's only fair of them to do so because some of them genuinely care for you and know you "can do better than this" (I HATE that phrasing and I have not yet been able to understand it!! But hey...), while others simply can't stand seeing people different to what they are. But I've been thinking about this today and I realised - it is up to you to find your own path. You have to come up with the thought yourself, that there is beauty in who you are and you can express it in whatever way you want to. And that's the best way of learning life lessons anyway, when they come from within instead of just being pushed onto us by those around us.

I like to maintain that the sooner you learn to say a huge fat extremely well-deserved "FUCK you", the more wholesome your life will be. :) Because you are actually getting rid of all the cobwebs in your mind that you have become so inexplicably used to... and now there is more room to develop yourself and be who you are.

With love and a sense of humour in everything we do, what can't we conquer, eh? Sometimes we just have to learn to be brave and take that first step forward and be comfortable and happy with the skin we're in, and say to ourselves as we face clouds and a rain-filled day, "What a beautiful day!" ;)

Want

Perhaps it is because I am brought up in an Indian household. Or maybe just because of the way things are. I'm not entirely sure. But it always confuses me. All I my life, I have been brought up to think that our wants are restrained first and foremost by our needs - do the things you need to do first, before exploring unknown grounds. But I have never understood this attitude. If our lives are taken over by needs, will we ever think to break free from the well-paved path and try and create our own life? At what point have we done the things we 'need' to do, and at what point can we do the things we 'want' to do?

It is such a sickenly, frustratingly blurred line. I guess you can say having enough money to live the kind of life you want to can form a basis for our 'needs', but at what point do we think to move on to other things? And what's to say another path can't lead you to a financial situation that you are also happy with - be it a richer or a poorer one from before? And is there only one way of getting there? It's just so confusing. But then again, I always think that you need to learn to be in the system to fight the system, break free from the system. Otherwise you can fuck things up (and again - why is fucking things up so bad?? I've been doing it all my life and I'm perfectly fine... haha.).

And then there's another part of me which thinks it's just about trying harder, and to always look for a clause out of a path is a bit of a wussy cop-out. It's like you're saying you are not strong enough to deal with a difficult, pain-in-the-ass path, so you give some psychological and philosophical bullshit about how life's too short, you gotta do things you way... and quit what you're doing and leave.

But then again, life is actually too short for you to not do things your way. You have to learn to cut your 'needs' losses and move on to the 'wants' at some point or the other in your life. Let go. I wish that someone would tell me to wake the hell up and let go (I am the CRAPPEST self-motivator in the world, believe you me..). Two words that are easy enough to say, but require plenty of courage to do.

It's just so confusing. And happiness is not something that is determined by which path you are on, rather how you make use of it and make it you, how you personalise it and, as Before Sunset says, "put your passions into action", in whatever way you can. Hmmmmph.

Food for thought...? :D

I feel like such an omelette sometimes. We come out fresh and raw from an egg (ish), and then our worlds are flipped upside down every so often and experiences and time sort of... morphs us into something else. It's still the same stuff as what came out of the egg, but it's all... different. The same egg white and yolk.. but being fried (hehe) by experiences changes it. No one of us is the same as when we were born, are we? Change.

Hehe... I wrote this on the 15th of February 2008... and I've been flipped around a fair few times since then, in quite possibly every single way imaginable... it's funny to just look back on it five hundred and sixty nine days later... but not to worry, I like fried eggs. On most days, at least...!

Reaching for the stars...

I hate having Blah moments because it seems to me they serve no purpose other than to bring me further down than I already am. But the Blah moments – oddly enough – are the moments when you see things clearest. When you’re happy, you’re too lost in the high of that happiness, and likewise when you’re sad, you’re too depressed to see things for what they exactly are. However, come the Blah moments, you are forced to sit yourself down and assess what the hell you are doing with your life. It’s when the mental mind map of everything in your life comes together in an almost epiphanic way, because there is no better moment than a moment of apathy to force yourself to call a spade a spade.

I’m in a very bad place right now. Sometimes I think I seriously need to speak to a shrink, with the amount of chaos my head is in! But, as with every moment in life, there is always, always something you can learn from it – something about yourself, something about the way the world works. Some way or the other you can grow from the experience, and grow for the better.

It seems to me that sometimes I am always in a hurry – in a hurry to see, in a hurry to do, in a hurry to explore and experience, but I am constantly forgetting that before the Hurry comes the Hard Work. Perhaps in my subconscious, I am always in a hurry to move on because I keep thinking there is this... ‘bigger and better’ that I constantly have to keep reaching, to try and prove something to myself and to my loved ones. But none of that is an excuse for forgetting that in order to move on to the ‘bigger and better’ things (Who says what is so, anyway??), I need to have conquered the ‘small and good’ things.

And this is what my stalemate phase has taught me – that it’s easy to want to quit things and fight for what one thinks is one’s right to live as they please, but it’s always much, much harder to accept your mistakes and pay for them in the currency of years of your life. My mind has been forever pondering this thought of whether you simply up and leave when you are not in a happy place in life or whether you stick it out because life’s a bitch, that I have neglected to see that there is a third side to the coin. I come from a world of choice, where I can choose every single step of my life, and yet I failed to see that choices don’t necessarily have to be binomial (or perhaps it’s because I come from a world of choice, that I am too lost in the luxury of the choices already there to expand my mind and think outside of the box... hmmm?). Sometimes it’s not about moving on or staying stuck in the same old rut, it’s about making the most of what you have, before you try and reach out for the new and unseen. A look-before-you-leap kind of thing.

I know I have far to go – both in terms of maturity and knowledge – in life. One of my friends’ MSN display names reads, “The more you know, the more you know you don’t know what you know” (The places you find pearls of wisdom, eh? Oh, by the way, it’s a song lyric. I Googled it.), and it’s so true. For every step uphill you move, you see that the world expands much farther out than you think it does, that there is much more walking for you to do than you thought there would be. But I also know my glorious, beautiful sunrise with all its tangerine hues (just the way I like it), will come, too... because I know I have it in me to make it come true. I just need to learn to look at the bigger picture – “life” is not exclusively in those few moments you bask in the rays of the sun, but also in the twinkling little stars of joy that make the dark nights worth it. They say the best place to look for answers is within yourself – whoever “they” are, they’re right. We are all made of stardust, after all...

Thoughts Under A Dark Sky

Musical Mood: Tum Itna Jo Muskura Rahe Ho - Jagjit Singh.



A mistake made once is a learning curve; making the same mistake twice is simply foolishness.