"I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes.."

Musical Mood: Love Is All Around Me - Wet Wet Wet.

There are some moments when you feel that, if you shut your eyes really tightly and wish with the purest and sincerest of hearts, your wish will come true. That what you really, really, really want will appear in front of your eyes if you simply really, really, really wish for it to be there. Whether this act is triggered by faith or by madness (or both), may depend on the individual, but there is in every case a tiny feeling of hope, hidden beneath our layers of logic and rationale, that somehow or the other our wish will come true, however crazy and unlikely it may be for such a thing to happen.

As I opened my bedroom curtains to welcome in the rising sun's light, this was the feeling I was flooded with. There was something about this morning's sunrise, that reminded me so strongly of my early mornings in India. It was the shade of the sun's rays - the rays were the exactly the same shade of soft gold as they were in India.

And all of a sudden, I felt a little tug coming from inside me - the kind of tug you feel when you are longing for something, that leaves you wondering whether there really is a physical response for longing, or whether you are simply imagining things in the madness of the moment. I really wanted to be back on the rooftop back home, back in India.

I wanted the brick-paved street in front of me to morph into the grey tarmac streets surrounding our building back home, and have sand (and occasional blobs of cow dung) bordering the streets on either side, instead of the picture-perfect pavement I was looking at. I wanted to see rickshaws crawling along the tarmac streets, on their way to pick school children up, and women in saris carefully navigating their way around the cow dung, carrying their baskets to put the vegetables that they were on their way to buy in with them. And little children getting ready on the road sides to sell jasmine flowers, to earn money for their family. And men opening their shops behind them. I wanted to see people brushing their teeth on their balconies, and women picking up the dried washing that would be hanging on the clothes line on their rooftop for their husband and children.

Despite seeing the hustle and bustle of getting ready for another new day whichever direction I turned to, being on the rooftop gave me a sense of serene solitude, especially during the early hours of the day. It was during those moments, standing amidst the morning breeze and watching the world around me getting on with its life, that I knew the wind was happily flicking through the pages of my mind, that were more often than not occupied with silly and curious thoughts and dreams of a young girl. (This was perhaps how my love for sunrises began, although I cannot pinpoint the exact moment for sure..)

And - I don't know why today, why at that moment, save for the shade of the sunlight giving me a sense of déjà vu - I felt a desperate urge to go back (in time as well as in terms of space) and re-live those moments again - on the same spot on the rooftop outside my maternal grandparents' flat, in between the washing area and the stairs, overlooking the little 'dump site', that used to be the recipient of many a glass of orange juice that my grandmother used to make me drink (alas, it is no longer there) - with my morning breath and messy hair and innocence.

It's not about who you are...

Musical Mood: No Matter What - Boyzone.

This post was written very in line with the theme(s) of my blog - being lost in thoughts and sunrises. I wrote this one fine morning between around 7:29 a.m. and 8:11 a.m., whilst sitting on the windowsill in a hotel room on the fifteenth floor, with a part of the world around me asleep (the other part, out of the window, was wide awake since it wasn't too early in the morning and I was in a city), looking out into the horizon to find a beautiful dawn awaiting me. I soon found myself (as usual) lost in thoughts, and that urged me to scribble down these thoughts. Armed with a hotel pillow behind me for comfort, my legs stretched out, my hair a soft mess and a (very) bad morning breath, I began to write on the small complimentary letter pads they give you, using the pen they also give you with the name of the hotel on it, since I didn't think to bring writing material with me whilst on a busy holiday in a city. Sheesh, I find the most random places to want to write down my world of thoughts... *smile*

PS: My sincere apologies if I waste your time during your reading this. The idea behind this post is that I can voice my random thoughts out, that they will serve as memoirs for me to look back on. If what I ramble on about makes sense to you, great. If not.. your loss. Kidding!

... it's about the way you react. The way you respond to the situations life throws at you. How you handle stress and pressure, how you deal with the world hating you. Do you panic and worry, or do you handle it calmly? Or does it depend on the situation? Is it tears at every consecutive beat in the song, or laughter?

... it's about the way you act. The way you are, and the way you show yourself to the world. Are you an immature child or a mature adult? Are you an adult with a child's mind, or a child with an adult's mind? Or are you a quirky combination of the two, a unique identity that fits into none of these categories?

... it's about the way you feel. The way things matter to you. How important are the issues perturbing the world to you? Do you feel strongly about any of them? Or could you not care less?

... it's about the way you think. The way your thoughts flow, which angle you see the world from. Are you a doer or a thinker? Are things the way they seem to you? Do your thoughts go down a simple, one-way route, or do they ebb and flow, meander this way and that way, blow in various directions all at once? How does your eye, your mind, see life?

... it's about the way you live. The way you lead and execute your life, the way you make decisions. Do you live in your own comfort zone the way that society has created for you, or do you live like a free bird with no one set of rules for the wide and varied set of encounters with life you are going to have? Or do you strike a balance between the two, where no one else may be, but where you're happy? Do you follow logic and sensibility, or do you throw caution to the wind and let your heart and your instincts rule your life? Or do you find yourself a niche between the two extremes?

... it's about the way you interact. The way you contribute (or not) to the various worlds your life has to juggle. Are you a loner, or a people's person? Or are you a loner who is a people's person? Maybe even a people's person who is a loner? How much do you contribute to the world you live in? Are you an active part of every project of your life, or do you prefer to lurk in the shadows peacefully? Do you only express yourself when the occasion rises, or do you voice yourself wherever you are, whatever the situation? For you, are matters of the heart meant to be spoken of freely? Or are they emotions that can only be felt by those who need to feel them? Are there certain topics that are best not talked about, or is there no topic taboo enough for you?

... it's about the way you believe. The way your morals and beliefs spread out. Do you believe everything that you are told, or do you question everything that you are told? Do you believe instantly, or does it take you ages to embrace a belief? Or does it vary from idea to idea? Are your beliefs strong and solid, or are they simple and open? Do your beliefs stay fixed and grow stronger with time, or do they change with every page of life you turn, every new chapter of life you walk into? Do you believe in yourself?

... it's about the way you love. And I mean it in every sense of the word, because each aspect is as important as the other. Are you cold and cruel, or are you caring and compassionate? Do you love everyone in this world as your own, or do you only love those tattoed in your heart? Are you quick to love people, or does it take you a long time to find those who have proved themselves worthy of your love? Do you put names to those you love, or is each relationship so unique and special that you find it restricting to give it a name? Or do you find a way of giving each relationship an identity that works for you, if not anyone else? Are you a 'handshakes person' or a 'hugs person'? Or do you express your love differently with different people? Are you a gentle and innocent lover, or do you love wildly and passionately?

No, it's not about who you are, or your personal identity at all. These are just walls that barricade your understanding of people.

It's about your personality; your degree of insanity.

It's about your attitude.
(And please, listen to what Mr. Finch is telling you at the top right corner of my blog. You haven't walked around in my skin for long enough yet, so don't judge me as anything! ;))